M Disects the Process of Making New Year's Plans

Target, the mom-and-pop crushing giant, is once again up to its pr tricks. I’d just love to hate the way they do all these big stunts for press, but god damn it if they aren't impressive as shit. I went to for their “Go International,” campaign last year and even the toilet paper was printed with Bull’s eyes. Yep, that’s right. I literally wiped my ass with the Target logo.

Compared to its rival Wallmart, who has never done anything even remotely cool, Tar-jet looks even sweeter. This New Year’s in Time’s Square they will be distributing 30,000 pairs of 3-D glasses to onlookers who will be subjected to a fireworks extrvanganza of glowing bull’s eye logos.

I will be no where near the spectacle being that a) I am not a tourist, b) I am not a burglar looking to mug and rape tourists and c) I am not certifiable insane. The whole are area is mass chaos with people arriving early in the morning and staking their small space inside of blocked areas that resemble cattle pens. You can't leave which means that people relieve themselves in a number of ways, many including peeing into cups. No thank you.

Instead, I will be at a as of yet-yes, I realize I am getting down to the wire-unknown location. The loft party we were supposed to go to was canceled and now we are scrambling. I have pretty much given up seeing as how figuring out the first plan took weeks even whe following these steps:

Step 1: Cost Evaluation
We first needed to decide what I and my respective posse are willing to spend. This brings out the glaring fact that some people make an inordinate amount more than others. Then there is the decision to either pay one hundred and fifty fucking dollars to go to a club you go to for free every other night of the week and enjoy open bar or pay $20 to go to a club you go to for free every other night of the week and pay for cash bar. The difficulty lies in how much you are going to drink, thus bringing out the glaring fact that some people are ridiculous lushes who drink an inordinate amount more than others.

Step 2: Narrowing down the choices.
New York is a huge city where bars and clubs and secret spots exist one day and are gone the next. You could go with a place you have never been but risk it being a nightmare, you could go somewhere you know is cool but run into the danger of it being over run by those who can not get in on other nights when the admission cost is not $150, or you could go somewhere not too trendy and be pissed because half the time you wouldn’t go there for free and now you are stuck paying the amount that you would for a nice pair of stilettos.

Step 3: Decision Time:
This happens last minute when everyone is fed up and someone just decides.

This year though, since the decision was cancelled we (X and three of my good friends are most likely going to sit at Rock Star (another friend who is a rock star and should have something cooler to do) apartment.)

To be cont...

Update: Went did actually sit at Rock Stars house. It was nice, intimate and fairly quite. He had hummus and bread that he baked himself which was very considerate of him. Sure, I would have preferred something a little crazier, but my close friends and X were with me so it was actually kind of perfect. I also drank way too much Jack Daniels and made it through a NY New Year's spending zero dollars.