M Struggles with Religon, Envies the Gifts of Children

First thing is first. My father is Jewish, my mother is some sort of Christian denomination. She does not and has not since I popped out of her womb (prior to that-I have no idea) go to church or pray. The only thing she has ever said to me even remotely religious is “Spirituality is a deeply personal thing and you need to come into your own decisions on what you practice and believe.”

Wise words, but when your five it’s like basically telling your kid “There is no god. Everything is made up.” But my struggle with religion and spiritual crisis is a tale for another day. What I am trying to get at is that my mother, despite her aversion to anything religious, celebrated X-Mas. So as a child my family had a beautiful blend of Judeo-Christian celebration called Chanu-Mas (Seth Cohen-You and your piddling Chrismaka can kiss my ass).

Chanu-Mas can be broken down thus: The Chanu portion includes lighting the candles, getting a small, usually crappy present on the 8th day and having the Jewish side over for potatoe latkes and a hardcore driedel battle (we are serious about it-quarters only and no respins). The Mas part consists of a measly poinsettia plant****, a stocking, and gifts on Christmas morning followed by a trip to Denny’s for the Lumberjack slam and later, a movie.

This always really bothered me as one of four Jewish children living in the entire town. I begged for a tree until the time I was twelve when my father buckled and got me a bush, which resembled Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree, with one sad, pathetic blue ornament on it. Soooo depressing when everyone you know has a big, gorgeous tree and the whole block is lit up like Vegas.

All in all, I always got good presents, or so I thought, until I started coming across news stories about what other kids got this holiday.

For starters: Marijuana! http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20061230-121531-3404r Oh my god, I totally should have put this in my letter to Santa. This little girl in China Grove (so fitting that there is Dead reference), North Carolina received a doll bought off of E-Bay that’s head was filled with pot.

And can you imagine being a young boy and getting a computer pre-set with porn. It’s every adolescents dream. http://www.nbc5.com/news/10621074/detail.html Sure the parents took it back to the store when they figured out the floor model computer they purchased for Junior was bookmarked with X-rated material, but he got a few minutes of ecstasy. Plus with the $100 they were given, I’m sure they will be able to pay for loads of therapy.

Wow…all I got was a digital camera (Yes!!!) and paint so as my parents put it I can “art.”