M Takes Manhattan: M Starts a Blog

As 2007 approaches and I begin my Resolutions List, alternatively titled "The Complete List of Everyting That is Wrong with My Life that I Promise to Change Every Year and Inevitably Fail At," subtitled "Why Do I Suck?". I feel it is is time to add something new to standard list. So this year along with dropping those twelve, okay fifteen, odd pounds, quitting smoking, learning to paint, making a million dollars and working towards world peace, I am resolving to write daily in this blog.

I had no idea two hours ago when I started how consuming a process it is. My initial plan was to get on and bitch about what a shitty day/week its been between the snot that is continuously running from my now severely chaffed nose to my impatience and near brawl with the tourist in front of me at the deli salad line today who was taking forever ("Oooohh, do you have cheddar cheese. Mmmkay. Wait no. Do you have mozzarella? Yes! Okkkayy..what else? What else?). Yet, just creating the template and picking a name took way longer than anticipated.

The main culprit for this time suck came from finding a photo. I stumbled across a number of cartoons depicting the same slightly tubby, heavy lidded blonde woman with her arm around different objects.

The first few just pissed me off and started my feminist rage burning. Overweight middle aged blonde women are golddiggers. How stereotypical. What bullshit!

And housework. What the fuck! Is this 1920? Look at how cocky that broom is all "Hey baby, you know you love me."

But then I found this, and well, it threw me for a loop. Slightly tubby, heavy lidded blonde women love joints? Hell yeah! The droopy eyes, the munchie induced belly bulge. It started to make sense.

But then I saw this and realized my first assumption was probably based on my own personal inclinations. Apparently they love tampons? Giant erasers? Life-sized Bubble Yum?

Wait a second though. Something is fishy here. Maybe the pink is a cover up. Not only does this woman love massive doobies but meth as well. Look at her with that beaker pointing towards the sky "I'll get you soo high."

Yes. Contruction workers. They are always horny!

Even the homeless get a piece of this sweet ass.

This woman is a total pot smoking prostitute/crack whore. Perhaps the broom was to clean up the meth lab and sweep around her hydroponic plants. And she isn't a gold digger after-all but finincially stable from drug dealing and hooking. She even owns a giant dildo...