M Thinks About Tennesee

I met a boy from Tennessee during the two week dating binge I took in order to distract myself from Mr. X. We hung out maybe six or seven times, played pool and hung out at dive bars. He's twenty-four, recently moved to the city and broke. Negative, negative, negative.

Yet all these negatives somehow end up in one huge, gigantic and rare quality that is impossible to find in New York men: He is unpretentious. POSITIVE! I name drop and he has no idea who I am talking about. I mention that I hung out at the hottest, hardest to get into red-rope club and he could not care less. He might actually like me for me, minus all the things i have added on to my superficial life. The things, in short, that most men I meet care about and judge my value by.

It's been strange hanging out with him; a throwback to my former Ohio self and it's damn refreshing. Yet when Mr. X came back into the picture I stopped hanging out with him. Until, tonight that is.

The weather here is disgusting. It is snowing ice bullets and the ground is pure slush. Mr. Tennessee lives two blocks away so I took advantage of the fact that it is Friday night and full of convenience. He called and I went over.

Most of the night was spent watching TV and just talking. It seemed innocent enough until flipping through the channels we came upon porn and jokingly began to watch it. Before I knew it it was late and I was incredibly horny, so I gave an excuse that I was tired and needed to go home. He walked me out and we began to kiss.

Nota sweet innocent goodnight kiss, but a full on I have been watching porn for two hours and could fuck you right here right now in your hallway like you've never been fucked before kind of kiss. It was good and has caused me to now, at three in the morning, question myself and my feelings for Mr. X who happens to be out of town this weekend.

What the hell am I doing?